What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
