I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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