I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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