pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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