If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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