like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
