I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just pee around me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
