I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
