This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
