I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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