her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
