Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
