My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
