That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
