I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
