bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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