Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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