Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My penis needs a shock collar
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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