I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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