I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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