So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
