Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
