Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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