Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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