So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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