So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
