Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
