Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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