D3 body, D1 cock
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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