just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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