So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
