Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
