Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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