Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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