Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
