I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
