I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your cock deserves a montage
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
