Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
