Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
