It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
