he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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