It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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