He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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