I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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