Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
