just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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