really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm passing your future prison.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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