we should wear snuggies to the strip club
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
