I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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