She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
