I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
