You can't motorboat a personality
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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