i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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