woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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