She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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