I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
