fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
where does the pee come out of this thing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
