this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize