I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
