Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They have beer where we have blood.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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