So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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