what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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