So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
