Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize