Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
