I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
