Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
