I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
