I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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