do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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