I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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