U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You took a bar mat shot.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
