I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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