Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
