I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
