ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
