My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
