My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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