he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
