so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
